Written by tatar job
I worked for Blockbuster Video for the better part of six months. I was used at several different stores as a shift manager, and had to deal with many, many different kinds of customers. While the job was criminally easy at times, I came to despise the job, the corporation, and the customers who gave it money.
As a way of exorcising the demons in my video rental past, I now present my completely unbiased and totally honest list of the ten biggest lies Blockbuster Video tells their customers.
10. “Sorry, I can’t do that”
If you tell a Blockbuster employee to credit something off your account, or change your payment method after he’s already confirmed it, or one of any number of irritating special requests one could possibly make to an employee, he will more than likely tell you that he is sorry, but the computer system will not allow him to do that.
This is untrue.
While Blockbuster still uses a Point of Sale computer system that is literally more than twenty years old (abbreviated, appropriately enough, to “P.O.S.”), it still allows the average BB clerk to do pretty much anything that could conceivably need to be done. The reason for his refusal to comply with your request is relatively simple: he is personally angry at your stupidity or dishonesty (keeping a videogame out for six days, then coming back and demanding a refund because it didn’t have an instruction manual) and feels it should not be positively reinforced.
No matter what your problem is, the average BB clerk can, technically, solve it – but the more complicated it is, the less he or she will actually want to. Hypothetically, refusing a customer any sort of service would be a no-no in the world of customer service, but given that an average BB computer looks like some sort of hacker workstation to the average citizen (blue screens, no mice, keys that make a satisfyingly loud noise when they are punched) , the Blockbuster employee is easily able to blame everything he can’t or won’t do on the computer system. Hopefully, the average consumer will not realize the full extend of what the POS system can do, and will have no choice but to accept the employee’s assertion that it is the computer, and not the employee, that is being unhelpful – which leads us straight into number 9.
9. “The computers lock down five minutes before closing time – we can’t do anything about it”
I heard this lie from the coolest manager I ever worked with – a guy with a vanity license plate reading “WOOKIEE” and a son with the middle name “Vader.” He hated customers even more than I did, and he used the above lie as a foolproof way of ending the night early. It is, of course, total bullshit, but it’s a damned good lie.
Promising that the computers will automatically lock down sounds absurd enough to be true, and technical enough to dissuade the unwashed masses from questioning it further. Also, the customers are forced to action: if you don’t hurry the fuck up and find a movie that will fit whatever mood you’re in at 1:00 in the morning, the system will shut down and you won’t get anything. The customers leave faster, the store closes earlier (thus preventing possible last-minute robberies), and the staff get to go home sooner. This lie, all things considered, contributes to a win-win-win situation.
8. “Sorry, the restroom is broken”
Seriously, it’s not. The restroom is unhygienic, disused, and probably caked in several layers of bodily fluids, but it is still technically functional. The reason BB staff lock their restrooms and tell customers the plumbing is broken is because the restroom is the one place in the entire store where the staff cannot see you.
As a result of this fact, restrooms are the perfect place to steal shit: during my time at Blockbuster, thieves often grabbed DVDs or videogame hardware, stuffed them into their pants, and entered the bathroom. Inside, they literally had all the time they wanted to remove the numerous security strips and magnetic locks affixed to every piece of merchandise.
One female customer in particular took her baby into the restroom with her and removed the packaging for an Xbox 360 controller, a new DVD copy of Gridiron Gang, and a copy of InStyle before stuffing all three items into her purse. Everyone working the shift that night obviously knew what the woman had done, but we were powerless to stop her thanks to lie number seven:
7. “Theft is bad”
Like many other corporate chains (Target and Wal-mart come to mind), Blockbuster must appear to despise shoplifting in all its shapes and forms, whilst doing pretty much nothing to stop it.
If you stuff eighteen DVDs, a Grand Theft Auto strategy guide, and a box of Red Vines into a backpack and walk out, congratulations – you’ve just committed the perfect crime. Even if the metal detector by the door goes off on your way out, you’re fine. Even if the security camera catches your face, you’re fine. Even if DVDs are literally poking out of your dungarees at the feet and waist, and even if every step you make is punctuated by the loud, repeated clapping of plastic case against plastic case, and even if an employee personally comes up to you and asks to see all the items you are carrying, once you leave the store you’ll still spend the rest of your arrest-free night watching your stolen copy of Red Dawn.